Editorial: To the readers of 2029

Editorial: To the readers of 2029


To the readers of 2029:

This is an open letter from the past – to share a sense of our wonders and worries – written for the amusement of future readers.

It’s a safe bet that the wineries have continued to flourish in the South Okanagan, but hopefully the orchards haven’t all turned into vineyards.

Surely Highway 97 has been widened by now to ease the congestion of summer traffic. Or perhaps the roads have been revolutionized by driverless cars.

I’m curious about how some of today’s current affairs are going to pan out.

How much is a litre of gas? It’s pretty cheap right now in Oliver at $1.05, but it went higher than $1.40 last summer.

Have the Maple Leafs or Canucks won any Stanley Cups?

How many wardens has the Oliver correctional centre gone through? The local prison experienced some growing pains in the beginning.

Is Justin Trudeau remembered as being a good Prime Minister?

Has there been a man on Mars yet?

Do smartphones still consume an unhealthy amount of attention?

How much of the workforce has been eliminated by automation?

Have fax machines finally gone extinct? (Nobody knows how they’re still alive today.)

Has China become more aggressive as a global superpower? They’ve been arbitrarily detaining our citizens lately.

Who won the Syrian Civil War?

Did Russia annex any more of Eastern Europe?

Was US President Donald Trump ever charged with treason? His tremulous tenure sure has been entertaining. But hopefully politics haven’t grown to be any more divisive than it is now.

We can trace the moment everything went off the rails back to 2016, when Harambe was shot. Things were much simpler before that little boy crawled into the gorilla cage at a zoo in Cincinnati.

Pot just became legal a couple of months ago. Just in case you forgot, the rollout was extremely lackluster. There’s virtually nowhere we’re allowed to buy it, and we pretty much have to go in the sewer to smoke it legally. For anyone from Oliver who wants to indulge in marijuana without breaking any rules, we have to drive up to B.C.’s one dispensary in Kamloops and pay double the price, if they’re not still sold out.

Here in town, the cleverly-named Oliver Chronicle receives a few calls every week from confused pot smokers who think we’re a dispensary.

And you better be taking proper care of the environment! Some people think the planet will be doomed by the time you read this, and others think the carbon tax is a total scam. But if climate change is just a big hoax – then heaven forbid we create a more efficient and less wasteful planet. Just joking.

If your generation has invented time travel by now, it may seem silly that this letter had to sit around for 10 years after it was written. But Gmail still doesn’t have an option to send postdated emails.

Parts of this letter may seem pretty silly by 2029. But please keep in mind, it was written in the olden days.

Dan Walton
Oliver Chonicle